Missing you

Today is a really bad day for missing you my beloved. I recognize and admit that I feel anger at your having to go. I want you here. I can not see the right in this. We were such a broken family before losing you, and now there are days that I feel as though I'm losing my mind. We were not, and are not capable of dealing with this, it doesn't seem to me. But God saw it differently.

I miss your mama. She will never, ever, ever be the same. She's broken; and she's gone from us. I wonder if I will ever see her smile again and her heart really be in it. My grief is almost more than I can handle today. I love you and I always will. I am so desperately lonely for you.

I know it doesn't do any good to linger on it, so I'll move on, I always do. But not a day passes that you aren't on my mind. It seems impossible that I am still so raw after nearly two years. I hate the prospect of hurting like this for the rest of my life.

I love you Buddy.

Hello Nathan

I was sitting here just now, thinking how nice it would have been, had you spoken softly to me the other day, to direct me through a difficult task I recently had. Immediately, of course, the light came on, and I realized, that if our beloveds on the other side could speak to us, with answers to every question we have, we would most likely lose our faith in God as there would be no need to call on Him. We would always call on you.

I am totally beginning to understand why the only communication we here on earth, can have with the heavenly saints, is in worship of His Holiness. You are perfected, we are not. We only know our earthly desires. Mine would be for you to help me as you always did. But I know the fleshly me and ... well you know Buddy.

I have been missing you terribly much lately. I love you more than ever.

New Year

I cannot bring myself to say Happy New Year, as ours is not so much anymore without you my beloved grandson. I do know that yours will be happier than ours. That is the ONLY consolation to it. Love and Hugs, Grama

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas my beloved boy! You are having a more true Christmas than any of us can imagine. And the Angels sang, 'Glory to God in the highest, peace on Earth, Goodwill toward men".

We miss you sorely. If you were here you would call and tell me about your new electronics and then rush off to "play" with them. I love you so much Nathan.

Love and Hugs,
Grama

All moved

Well buddy, we got moved, but it hasn't been without some vexation over the phone and internet service. It's a DSL connection through Verizon and you warned me not to get a DSL service. That warning, so etched into my memory, came to the forefront as we've struggled with all this. My connection is so darn slow, but then you warned me about that too. You said I wouldn't like it. One thing I am really glad about is that it wasn't my choice. :-) It was all that was available out here. I'd really be kicking myself if I'd had a choice and chose this.

You wouldn't like our new place too much. You're too much a city boy and this is farm-like out here. Even has a few animals, besides dogs. But it's good for us; and healing, very healing.

I sure wish I could hear you sing with us other saints. What beautiful harmony it must be. I love you grandson, forever and ever.

Hurting Heart

My precious boy. Another young man named Kyle took his own life the other day and as I read some of the post in his guest book, it could have been yours. He was loved and his family and friends are devastated. I wish we could eradicate suicide. It's a torture no family should ever have to suffer. You've been so heavily on my mind since I heard about this boy. I suppose that will always be the case.

I thank God for my memories of you. I love you and look forward to seeing you when God sees fit to take me home.

Missing you today Buddy

I miss you more than anybody oughta.