Only For A Morning

October 10, 2008

First I need to say I cannot take credit for anything regarding this gorgeous blog. My mom graciously allowed me to take part in this blog for Nathan. I never thought I would ever post anything as I am totally clueless in anything website, computer or electronic related. It was even easier for me than most to be totally lazy when it came to learning anything about the above as Nathan lived with me!!! In fact, Mike and I used to joke that we would be 60 years old and buying a new TV that Nathan would have to come over and set up for us.

I don't know what came over me that I decided to give it a try. I even had to download updates for Java to be able to post to this, and anyone who knows me knows this is a huge step.

I look at this blog several times a day. I think my mom thought I wouldn't like it or that it would be to painful for me. That is absolutely not the case. I tell people often, there is not even an hour that goes by that I don't think about Nathan. Nobody is ever going to upset me by talking or sharing about him to me. I miss him very much and there are days that I think I can't do this, I don't want to do this. I do not want to live another second without my son. But I have to. I know everyone thinks it's as easy as the fact that I have another son to live for. And in some ways that is true. I love Nick very much and he needs me badly now. But, when your children are alive you never think about loving one more than the other. For me now it is always in my mind that if I live I have Nick, if I die I have Nathan. And please nobody get me wrong I don't want to die. I am not suicidal, these are just some of things I think about now.

Well, I think my very first posting went ok. I hope nothing I said offends anyone.

Nathan's Mama