Missing you

Today is a really bad day for missing you my beloved. I recognize and admit that I feel anger at your having to go. I want you here. I can not see the right in this. We were such a broken family before losing you, and now there are days that I feel as though I'm losing my mind. We were not, and are not capable of dealing with this, it doesn't seem to me. But God saw it differently.

I miss your mama. She will never, ever, ever be the same. She's broken; and she's gone from us. I wonder if I will ever see her smile again and her heart really be in it. My grief is almost more than I can handle today. I love you and I always will. I am so desperately lonely for you.

I know it doesn't do any good to linger on it, so I'll move on, I always do. But not a day passes that you aren't on my mind. It seems impossible that I am still so raw after nearly two years. I hate the prospect of hurting like this for the rest of my life.

I love you Buddy.