Thanksgiving

Hello my precious. Phil and I had Thanksgiving dinner with your mama, Nick and dad. Dawn and family came later. Of course the conversation turned to you, and I know these holidays will never ever pass without you being uppermost on our minds.

Your mama did so well. If I weren't her mama (your grama) I'd have thought everything was so normal. But I know, and I feel. But I am blessed your mama goes on for brother. Nathan, Nick is so sweet. You'd be so proud of him. He is really very much like you. He's so much fun, and sweet and gentle, just like you always were.

I think I've come to grips with the fact that things will never be the same. I think I expected things to "get back to normal" whatever that is.

Nathan, I have a favor to ask. Remember Ernie? I have pics of you holding him. He's been ill lately. If something would happen, just take care of my little boy won't you? Shania will love him and be gentle with him I know. You just need to shepherd the two of them. :-)

Love and hugs,
Grama

Hello my beloved,

It's coming up on the fall season again. Of course with fall comes one of your favorite celebrations, Halloween. You were always such a prankster. muahahaha. Remember when you scared the little kids, Nick and Caden, with the Freddie mask? You were so bad. I think of you and smile, and savor the thoughts. And it's a little easier to do as I sit and smell the apples that have fallen off the trees. It smells vaguely like apple cider. hmmmmmmm. We have a cat now. His name is Barney. He takes his toys, (yes we actually buy the cat toys) into his bed. Yes he has a bed in the barn. He's quite a pampered little boy. Anyway, while making sure everything was fit for King Barnie, I discovered an apple, all brown, shriveled and dried up, in his bed! Good grief, he loves it! Well buddy, That's it for now. I love you as always, and I look forward to our reunion. Love and Hugs.

Hello Buddy

I just have to tell you buddy, grama's gone wireless. :-) I think I will truly love it and now some of those funny things you used to do (particularly using the laptop mouse) is more familiar to me. It's been a struggle to learn, I've gone kicking and screaming. Phil, bought it for me, and I wouldn't even use it at first. But of course little by little, I got curious. I really do like it now, but I sure wish you were here to poke fun at me! :-) I miss you buddy, as much as always. Love you, Grama

My precious Angel

It's been so long since I last posted, but Nathan is on my mind every day and every night.

I've recently had computer woes. My eyes are burning from tears. I didn't know how to fix any of it, and I realized if my beloved were here he could fix it. My angst and heartache are always way more than I think I can endure. Will it ever end?

Nathan love, it's not just computer issues. Life is difficult, not for the timid for sure, my lamb. I wish I were with you. I know life is much easier there. I love my dear grandson.

Missing you

Today is a really bad day for missing you my beloved. I recognize and admit that I feel anger at your having to go. I want you here. I can not see the right in this. We were such a broken family before losing you, and now there are days that I feel as though I'm losing my mind. We were not, and are not capable of dealing with this, it doesn't seem to me. But God saw it differently.

I miss your mama. She will never, ever, ever be the same. She's broken; and she's gone from us. I wonder if I will ever see her smile again and her heart really be in it. My grief is almost more than I can handle today. I love you and I always will. I am so desperately lonely for you.

I know it doesn't do any good to linger on it, so I'll move on, I always do. But not a day passes that you aren't on my mind. It seems impossible that I am still so raw after nearly two years. I hate the prospect of hurting like this for the rest of my life.

I love you Buddy.

Hello Nathan

I was sitting here just now, thinking how nice it would have been, had you spoken softly to me the other day, to direct me through a difficult task I recently had. Immediately, of course, the light came on, and I realized, that if our beloveds on the other side could speak to us, with answers to every question we have, we would most likely lose our faith in God as there would be no need to call on Him. We would always call on you.

I am totally beginning to understand why the only communication we here on earth, can have with the heavenly saints, is in worship of His Holiness. You are perfected, we are not. We only know our earthly desires. Mine would be for you to help me as you always did. But I know the fleshly me and ... well you know Buddy.

I have been missing you terribly much lately. I love you more than ever.