Friday, October 10, 2008

October 10, 2008

First I need to say I cannot take credit for anything regarding this gorgeous blog. My mom graciously allowed me to take part in this blog for Nathan. I never thought I would ever post anything as I am totally clueless in anything website, computer or electronic related. It was even easier for me than most to be totally lazy when it came to learning anything about the above as Nathan lived with me!!! In fact, Mike and I used to joke that we would be 60 years old and buying a new TV that Nathan would have to come over and set up for us.

I don't know what came over me that I decided to give it a try. I even had to download updates for Java to be able to post to this, and anyone who knows me knows this is a huge step.

I look at this blog several times a day. I think my mom thought I wouldn't like it or that it would be to painful for me. That is absolutely not the case. I tell people often, there is not even an hour that goes by that I don't think about Nathan. Nobody is ever going to upset me by talking or sharing about him to me. I miss him very much and there are days that I think I can't do this, I don't want to do this. I do not want to live another second without my son. But I have to. I know everyone thinks it's as easy as the fact that I have another son to live for. And in some ways that is true. I love Nick very much and he needs me badly now. But, when your children are alive you never think about loving one more than the other. For me now it is always in my mind that if I live I have Nick, if I die I have Nathan. And please nobody get me wrong I don't want to die. I am not suicidal, these are just some of things I think about now.

Well, I think my very first posting went ok. I hope nothing I said offends anyone.

Nathan's Mama


  1. My precious Lisa, Nathans Mama, I have tears in my eyes after reading your post. I know your heart is still numb with pain. You have to know I don't think anything bad about things you share with me ever.

    You could never be offensive to anyone. You are a devastated mama that is trying to work through the worst tragedy of your life.

    Remember my precious daughter, our blog is about our feelings. It is not our purpose here to make others understand, but to work through our own grief and share that pain with those who care. Love, Mom

  2. P.S. I'll bet Nathan is smiling down on you now saying "i knew you could do it Mom. You just didn't know you could!"

  3. Dear Lisa, you don't know me but your mom is my dear friend. I'm like her as I had tears reading your post also, and I know everything your mom said here is true!
    You just keep on posting because those of us who come to read really do care.

  4. Dear Lora, You knew Nathan and he knew you. :-) If I'm not mistaken, you are using one of his websets on your website.

    Yes you did and here it is with a special thank you to Nathan on it.

    Wishes of a House Cat

  5. My dear lisa,

    My heart breaks for you each day. I know that your pain is not going away and truely in my heart I know it never will. I miss Nathan very much and I think of him daily just in the little things I have know for him to do. I agree with your mom you will never offend anyone. There is nothing wrong with you loving or missing your son who has pass on. Just know that we all love you dearly and no matter what time of the day we are here for you. I love you!


  6. Lisa, that was so touching. I cannot imagine the pain you are all experiencing...but please know you all continue to be in our prayers. I only met Nathan a couple of times, but I know he was a very special young man.

    Thank you for being willing to share your journey with us!

  7. Lisa, that was wonderfully written. I miss Nathan so much it hurts...

  8. Lisa,
    I can never truely imagine the pain that you feel for the loss of Na-Na. It pains me everyday because I see the pain in your heart for the child you lost. I know there are no words or actions anyone can do to take away your pain but know you are loved very much and you have many people who will listen and try to help. Na-Na was so loved and is now so deeply missed more than he will ever know. Just know that you will never offend anyone by what you say because these are your feelings and you should be able to share them. I love you very much and pray for you everyday.